Trigger warnings: depression, self-harm, suicide
Third person POV
“Don’t give up”
“You have so much to live for”
“Think about the people around you and how they would feel”
“Just be happy”
“You’re so young, it’s just a phase”
“Just snap out of it”
“It’s because you’re always inside”
“Just try harder”
“It could be worse”
“You’ll get over it”
These were things Peter Parker was used to hearing at this point. The only place he could get a snippet of peace was when he was out on patrol or when he was working in the lab with Tony.
Peter thinks he doesn’t deserve the love Tony and the Avengers have for him.
All Peter thinks about is how he wants the pain to end. The suffering, the constant battles in his mind. The negative and destructive thoughts that will not leave him alone. The constant itch to self-harm. The constant anxiety he feels when he is around others.
Peter believes that he is a burden to everyone around him and that the only reason the Avengers and Tony talk to him is because they pity him, because he is an orphan and has nowhere else to go.
Peter believes the others will be better off without him. That if one day he just cuts a little deeper or if one day he didn’t shoot the next web while on patrol everyone’s lives will be better.
Peter believes that no one would miss him or care if the next time he just doesn’t get help when injured on patrol.
Peter believes no one cares about him enough. Enough to save his life.
–
The Avengers had a lazy day in today. There were no missions or meetings and they wanted to spend some time with the youngest member of their dysfunctional little family.
What they didn’t know was that Peter had a plan to finally get that eternal peace he’s been longing for years now.
After a nice movie night final goodbyes were exchanged by Peter. The others were a little suspicious because Peter was acting different, more calm than he had been in years. It scared them.
Peter went to the roof. Razor in hand. First he would cut vertically and then he would let himself fall into that eternal peace.
However, it didn’t go according to Peter’s plan. He hadn’t calculated the others coming up to the roof, to look for him, into his plan.
He hadn’t expected them to care enough to come look for him. He had believed no one cared for so long that it had become his own reality.
He had believed he was on his own for so long that he had come to terms with it.
He had never thought about the possibility people would care enough to save him.
–
Peter knew the others were behind him, confused and scared. He knew they were talking to him, asking him what he was doing on the roof.
Peter couldn’t hear them, the sound of peace filling his mind. The ledge was calling him to do it.
All Peter could think about was how he would be reunited with his parents, his aunt and uncle. How he would finally be able to welcome that eternal peace. How, when he was gone, everyone would finally be able to live their lives again. How he wouldn’t be there to hold them back anymore.
That, to Peter, sounded good.
Peter was both aware and unaware of what was happening. He was aware that he was running that razor along his arms. He was aware of the screams behind him. He was aware of the razor being grabbed away from him. He was aware of someone putting pressure on the wounds.
He however was unaware of who was doing what. He was unaware of who was trying to get through to him. He was unaware of the fact he was pushing people away. He was unaware of the fact he was walking to that ledge that was calling him. He was unaware that he was now standing on that very same ledge.
He heard more screams behind him. He heard someone slowly walking towards him. He heard that same person softly try to reason with him.
Peter turned around and saw it was Tony who was trying to get through to him. Peter saw the tears that were rolling down Tony’s face. Peter saw the tear-stained faces of the others behind Tony.
Peter’s face which previously held nothing but calm and peace, now held a soft and sad, but reassuring smile.
As Peter spared another look towards the people who so kindly took him in, he knew. He knew they were the only people who cared enough to try and save his life. He knew he was about to disappoint them.
But for some reason, Peter didn’t care. Yes, he cared about them. He just didn’t care about his own life enough to let them save it.
He wanted that eternal peace and he was going to get it.
He heard them beg him not to do it. He heard them cry and try to get through to him.
Sparing one last glance at them, he let himself fall backwards.
As he fell he was letting himself be engulfed by nothing but peace. Pure and eternal peace within him.
Tony tried to save him but the suit came too late.
Peter Parker was already dead.